Parental Roles as Defined by a 13 Month Old

I always thought my first child would be a boy.

When I got pregnant two years ago, I pictured myself holding a little dark haired boy in my arms in the hospital nine months from then.  I envinsioned his little features and sharp cry.  I just felt sure that this little bean was going have a beanbag.  At the 20-week anatomy scan, my husband and I looked away as the ultrasound tech wiggled the wand around looking for organs and bones, so as not to accidentally see the gender of the baby.  And though all we saw that day, was north of the equator, still I felt like it was a boy in there.  Maybe it was the high levels of activity and aerobic exercising the child did in utero that hinted me in to his maleness.  Maybe it was intuition.  Maybe it was a decent guess on something with 50/50 odds.

And nine months later, after one final and very epic gust of willpower, my husband's choked-up voice said, "It is a boy." (sans dark hair)

I have loved his boyness right from the start.  He has been rather independent and was not much of a cuddler from the get-go.  He loved to stretch out and lay unbound on the floor.  He wriggled and squirmed, working on his mobility just days after getting home.  He has grown up and become destructive and rambunctious.  He is curious and inquisitive.  He is relentless and sneaky.  He is loud and strong.  He bangs things together and tears things apart.  He has a dimple.  He gets away with too much.

( I know, I know.  Gender stereotypes.  But, dude, there is a reason that certain stereotypes exist.  My kid is a lot like the others that have come before him.  He can be whatever he wants in this life ((except mean)), but right now, he is exactly what one thinks of when they think of little boys.)

And as a boy in the midst of his little-boydom, he has defined his relationship with his mom and dad. 
Parents are baby's whole world.  I didn't realize how much this was true until going to visit family several states away.  Every night a different house.  Everyday a house full of different folks.  The only constant: mom and dad.  I really saw his point of view when I got away from all the daily distractions of my everyday life. 

Dad is baby's best friend.  Dad is baby's playmate, hide and seek partner, tickle machine, and climbing tower.  Dad is fun and dad is funny.  Dad captures baby's eyes.  Dad is baby's role model.  Dad is baby's buddy.

Mom is baby's home base.  Mom is where baby goes to get reassurance and healing.  Mom is baths and bottles.  Mom is the stuff of the daily grind.  Mom is safe when we are in new places and with new people.

Learning this about ourselves and about our son has been very meaningful because it made me realize something:  Everyone who has a had a baby will tell you how demanding babies are.  Even happy, healthy babies require constant support, supervision, and care.  Then I thought about myself.  I thought about all the people who contribute to my welfare- my husband's love, support, and friendship.  My parents endless love and patience. My siblings humor and kindred-spiritness.  My friends encouragement and solidarity.  My co-workers challenge and camaraderie.  The list goes on and on.  As adults we get fulfillment by collecting little bits and pieces of what we need from boatloads of different people.

Who does baby have?  Baby has you.  And if you have partner in this, then that makes two.  Babies need all that social and emotional support that we need, but they only have one or two resources to get it from.  They require it all and they deserve it all and that is why we are dead-on-our-asses tired by 8:30 even on days we haven't left the house or gotten dressed. 

If you have raised a child or are doing so now then, "this bud is for you".  (or this glass of wine, or this donut, or this DQ blizzard...whatever your vice)  If you have been the birthday cake maker, the doctor, and the teacher in one afternoon-this one is for you.  If you have been peed on, kissed, and hit in the face in the same hour-this one is for you. 

They say "it takes it village", so I guess by that logic, I am a village?

A Quick Update- My Kid

I am a few weeks behind, but a quick update is needed.

My kid had chronic ear infections.
My kid had hearing loss in both ears.
My kid had only one letter sound-"da"
My kid had taken antibiotics 10 out of his 12 months of life.
My kid got ear tubes put in on Thursday.
My kid said "mom" on Friday.
My kid said "ba" on Saturday.
My kid danced and sang to Those Darlins with complete joy and lack of pain.
My kid makes my heart explode with happiness and love.