I have not written for quite sometime due to equal parts busyness and inadequate words to describe the fullness of my life right now.
Last month we welcomed the arrival of a darling baby girl. Her gender was unknown to us, but from the first time I visualized her little life, she was a girl. So when my doctor announced that SHE had arrived there was a brief moment of surprise, followed immediately by the feeling of "of course".
Her labor is worthy of a post on it's own, so that will have to come later.
So what makes me pick up my decrepit old macbook after such a long hiatus? The last two hours of my evening do.
My daughter was born tongue-tied and lip-tied making nursing a challenge. Weeks of lactation consulting have resulted in endless nursing, pumping, and bottle-feeding sessions. One "meal" for this kid is at least an hour long event. With a solid hour hard to come by as a mom of two, breaks are taken to make sure that big brother gets what he needs, too.
After an episode of Daniel Tiger, I interrupt the nursing session to get him into bed. He requests and extra hug, then a kiss. A few minutes later the door opens to request a song and yet when it is over and the door shuts, he cries "Mama" several times into his Darth Vader blanket.
Then it is back to the couch to resume the meal time routine for little sister. This part is the worst-she cries in the boppy next to me while I pump for 15 minutes. When I am done with that, I quick wash the pump parts for next time, the proceed to feed her a bottle. This process is also slow in an effort to get her to keep the food down.
I just finish feeding her, when her brother's door swings open. "I think so, I pee the floor," says the teary voice at the end of the hall. I lay the baby on my bed and go to investigate. A mostly eyes-closed version of my son is standing by the door in a half gallon of pee. I debate moving him to the bathroom, but reason kicks in and I realize I would have a long trail of pee to clean instead of a single puddle. I watch the urine cascade down the crooked old floor and pool in the corner near the trash can.
In a state of tiredness and confusion, the little guy is struggling to get his socks off in the clothes changing process. He starts to fall over, so with pee-soaked hands, he grabs a hold of my shirt for balance. I finally get him into dry pjs, get his hands washed and get him back into bed. I clean the floor perfunctorily as it is after 10:00 pm and pee is sterile and I don't really feel like dealing with this now and pull the door shut.
Tired from the day and the added adventure of this evening, I wash up and head to bed. The same bed where I laid my newborn. I arrive to find her laying in a large pool of spit up on the down comforter. I swaddle her and decide that I will just flip the comforter over tomorrow and call it good.
The evening was messy, tiring, and completely normal. This is the pace of things right now. Everything always has a little bit of body fluid on it and the laundry is my arch nemesis. The days are slipping by faster than I could have ever imagined. Everyday my kids are bigger, brighter, and more themselves than the day before. It is my greatest gift to see them grow.
These days of dampness, stickiness, and smell will pass, but for now, I am here. I am in it. And I am grateful.
