RAGE Against the Momchine (Zack de la Rocha gets no money for ripping off this title)

My son is in a stage of trying on different emotions and roles.  He is significantly more dynamic since he turned one.  He has moved on from his repertoire of: hungry, tired, needy, silly, and/or annoyed to loving, sincere, thoughtful, determined, strong-willed and sometimes very, very angry.

Like head shakin', hands-in-fists, angry. The accompanying noise can either be one of a blood-curdling scream variety or a monster-undertoned-grunt-yell.  It is so strange because in a span of five seconds, he can go from happy, to rage, to right back to happy.  Sometimes stopping at remorse or annoyance along the way.

Unable to handle much more of it at the current moment, (as I have been solo parenting for quite a while due a blessing in my husband's career) I decided to make a list of all the things that have induced rage in my fourteen-month-old this week, in hopes that the ridiculousness of it all will ease the upcoming bath battle followed by the hysteria of a diaper change.  And since it is nighttime, that means the cursed diaper rash cream must also be applied.  Lord, help us all.

Things that have made my child IRATE since last Sunday:

• Diaper changes
• Using wipes
• Applying diaper rash cream
• Applying lotion
• Using nasal saline
• Using the bulb syringe to pull the gallons of constantly draining snot from his nose, in attempt to make him breathe better
• Putting on a jacket
• Taking off a jacket
• Not being able to instantaneously get myself around to the back door of the car after putting the vehicle in park
• Buckling the car seat straps
• Closing the door
• Hair washing
• Body washing
• Really just anything involving hygene
• Not being allowed to crawl up the concrete steps outside in a thunderstorm
• Putting on pants
• Not having the macaroni in his mouth my the time his butt hits the high chair
• Adults eating anything in front of him
• The sound of crinkling anything (he assumes it is graham crackers)
• Not letting him pull glass jars from the fridge
• Not letting him rip my glasses off my face
• The dog deciding to stop wagging his tail
• Putting his water bottle full of dried beans into a koozie
• Getting in the car after an hour at the park
• Pulling the bits of a half-eaten Kroger receipt out of his mouth
• Not letting him chew on the hangers at the Goodwill
• Restraining him when he tries to pull my hair out
• Placing him on the other side of the kitchen when I have to take the food out of the oven
• Not letting him pinch his fingers in the lazy susan

Please note, that he has played contentedly with a metal potato masher, a medicine cup, and the dog while I wrote this entire post.  He is so good, when he is not trying to summon dementors with his howling cries of anguish.

Also, this whole thing reminds me of a great tumblr feed.  Please see below.

http://imgur.com/gallery/yLaMU