The Amazing Adventures of the Super-Uncoordinated Mom!

"Please catch it.  Please catch it."

I am not a coordinated person.  I drop 75% of the things I pick up.  My baby being the exception (some how my subconscious knows to try harder when holding that cargo).   I trip over things more often than I would like to admit, but, don't worry, I always play it cool.  "No, it's okay, I wanted to get a closer look at that tile!" 

So needless to say, the other day I had a quite an amazing adventure.  

My husband loves to play baseball, so sometimes on Sundays, he fills in on a friend's softball team when they are short on players.  I am not much of a sports fan myself, but I can enjoy a live game of anything.  So when our friend called asking for a fill-in, we packed up the car and headed to field, delighted to be spending the afternoon lounging outside.  When we arrived, one minute before game time,  my husband ran out onto the field (wearing a grey shirt and playing for the red team).  I laid out an old hospital blanket on the ground and kicked off my shoes.

The first hour of the game was great.  My son rolled around and grabbed at the grass.  He watched several leashed dogs go by and communicated with them in their native tongue.  It was super.  Then at one hour and one minute, he started to totally lose his cool. 

He notoriously starts this fake crying thing when he is tired.  He pretty much just yells.  It is so pathetic because he doesn't cry tears, he just makes this loud, drone of irritation.  And the only cure is sleep.  So, naturally, I let him carry on like this for 10 minutes while he laid on the blanket and I didn't try to soothe him.  I got a few turned heads with looks like, "Geez lady, have you no heart?"  I looked back with a look like,  "Stop sending me messages with your head turn."

Within 15 minutes, he was zonked out(as I knew he would be), as peaceful and as calm as a baby on a blanket, in the park, in the spring, with a light a breeze, at a softball game.  With him a-snoozing, I leaned back on my elbows to see which corner of the outfield they had stuffed my husband in (he is a really good baseball player, but apparently a fill-in cannot play a base position).  I finally spotted his beard blowing in the wind far out in right field.  I turned my attention to the batter, when a ball flew by on my left.  As I turned to look at where the rogue ball had come from, I "shit you not" time slowed down.  I saw the tacky highlighter-yellow-green-oversized ball heading our way.  I reached my left arm out, over my sleeping son's belly, and the ball smacked into my wrist.  Leaving purple stitch marks on the bone.  I looked down at my kiddo, still lost in a dream, totally unaware that he almost got hit with a ball.  

Most of the time, I can't catch a ball when I am trying.  Especially when my husband doesn't throw it directly into my outstretched glove.  So, to turn, see, and stop a ball in no seconds, and the experience the emergency-situation-super-human-mom-strength was a truly amazing adventure.

How being a mom has made me a better person.

Nobody wants to say it out loud.  We all might think it, but it is so not-classy/egotistical to say it.  However, I said I would be honest here.  So, ahem..."I, anonymous writer of this blog, think I am a good person".

I live pretty responsibly.  I car-pool.  I have manners.  I give my money to United Way.  I give my blood to the Red Cross.  I am a law abiding citizen(speeding home from work aside).  I work hard at a job with no possibility of bonuses, promotions, or accolades because I believe that it helps others.  I generally try to good things.  I feel like I am not a Scrooge.

But then I became a mom.

I never truly understood how much I was living for myself until I was face-to-face with a human that depended on me in order to live.  Suddenly, the generous person I thought was, was being taxed and torn by a tiny, crying, drooling little creature. 

I used to pride myself on my efficiency.   Don't get me wrong, I can be as lazy as anyone else, but I can also throw it into overdrive and accomplish a months worth of tasks and chores before lunch.  (If you knew my mother, this would make sense.)  I have been known to wake up Saturday and cleaned the house and left to run errands before my husband has woken up for the day.  But recently, that has all changed.  Except for the part about all that stuff needing to still be done.  Oy.

In the last six months, my level of efficiency at home and personal grooming has become something like that of Homer Simpson's.  I watch TV, burned out from the day of work and love on my baby from five to nine pm.   The dishes pile up-beyond the sink and onto the counter.  The recycling can becomes a mountain of paper and catalogs that I never signed up for.  Every day I think about taking care of it and every few days I actually do something about it, though it really does bother me everyday to have a mess in the kitchen, I have learned that there are other more important things in need of my attention.  And those important things are not daily showers or hair fixin'.

I am also reminded of this every morning, after hearing the alarm go off before 5:30.  Even the temptation of sleep.  Even the temptation of sleep when it is still dark outside.  Even the temptation of sleep when it is still dark outside and it is winter, and I know that the floor will be cold when I step on it, is now trumped by the thought that my baby needs me. I am reminded that he needs me more than I need sleep, sunlight, and warm feet and so I groggily walk to his bedside.   As soon as I see him laying the wrong direction in his crib, rolled onto his belly, forehead shoved up against the slats, I know I made the right decision. 

 I am not complaining.  Please don't read it that way.  I am just realizing that before I had a kid, I was living a life dedicated to my own whimsies.  Now, I spend a large part of my day wiping poop off a little white hiney.  But I have a joy like I have never known.

28 things to do in the last 28 days

I am sharing with you a list of 28 things to do in the last 28 days of pregnancy.  I was inspired to write it after finding the few weeks leading up to delivery to be: long, emotional, and in-need-of-distraction-y.  I have shared it with my sister and my cousin, with good response.  Use it if you find yourself in my shoes or give it to someone you know to motivate and encourage them.

The list 

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Find, buy, and watch your favorite kid's movie.  Some day you will get to share it with your little one, why not have it on hand?  The Wal-mart $5.00 bin is a great place to look.

Pick out your pediatrician and call them.  If don't have someone in mind, ask for recommendations from other parents or look them up online.  If you don't know the doctor personally, you can call their office and schedule a time to meet them and ask them some questions.  If you aren't sure what to ask, here is a good list of topics:

http://pregnant.thebump.com/pregnancy/pregnancy-tools/articles/checklist-interviewing-a-pediatrician.aspx

Remember-you are potentially dealing with this person for the next 18 years, make sure you really like them!

Go to http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/pregnancy-survey and take the survey about your pregnancy.  Write down the questions and answers on paper and put it in your baby book.

Practice swaddling.  Watch a youtube video, read a how-to blog post, or ask someone who knows.  

Figure out how to use your stroller.  Also figure out how to use your baby carrier or wrap if you have one.

Pack your hospital bag.  Two things I thought were useful: chapstick for all the huffing and puffing, and pillows from home- the hospital ones were terrible!

Get a stack of thank you cards and stamps.  People love to send gifts and cards when the baby comes.

Double your dinner recipe and freeze half.  Having pre-made food after the baby comes is awesome, because finding the time or energy to cook is hard.  I made simple things like spaghetti, meatballs, and soup and froze them.

Make a family tree for your baby.  

Make a labor or postpartum playlist.  Pick out songs that make you happy and feel calm, just remember to pack your ipod or computer and charger.  

Write out a birth plan.  When trying to process all the possibilities of labor it helps to nail down what is really important to you (even if it changes at the last minute) like specifying who you want in the room, if you want to have pain meds available, if you don't want interns involved, etc.

Make a list of who you want contacted and assign that job to someone.  Decide if you want to call, text, or email your friends and family to let them know the good news.  You can even type up a draft email or text and then you can just fill in the details and hit send!

Start a timer and drive to the hospital, park, and walk to the right floor.  Then you will know what to expect during show time.  While you are there, you can go in and look at the babies in the nursery, and stop for a frosty on the way home.

Buy one post-pregnancy thing for yourself.  Not something that will take several months to get into, but something that you can be happy to put on after the baby comes.  My sister bought me this sweet nightgown that is super soft and pretty, which is nice to wear especially when I feel so un-used to my body being just mine.

Spend extra time loving on your pets.  You will always love them, but it is hard to give them a lot of attention after having a baby.  It takes time to work out a new routine as a family and get back to bonding with your animals, so love them up now.  Also pick up a few toys or treats and keep them stashed away for when you are feeling guilty.

Transition your closet and drawers by pulling out maternity things and putting your old clothes back.  It might take a while to get back into them, but having your old clothes can help you get back to feeling more like yourself.  I can't explain why, but throwing on my old ratty Red Hot Chili Peppers t-shirt was really comforting.

Watch a movie about having a baby.  I highly recommend Baby Mama, other good choices are Junior, Away We Go, and Juno.  I do not recommend Look Who's Talking-that movie gives me the creeps.

Clean like crazy!  I know you are probably really tired and your house is already clean, but think about it as a clean-pay-it-forward kind of thing.  If you scrub already clean toilets and sinks, the cleanyness will last for a while after the baby comes.

Go buy plenty of pads for yourself (the Always Infinity were definitely worth the extra few dollars), and rubbing alcohol wipes for baby's umbilical cord. 

 Do something with your feet.  They will be up in the air, and well, they might as well look decent.  I know they are hard to reach, but give them a few minutes of attention, or get someone else to do it.

Make sure you have baby medical stuff at home.  It seems babies only need something like that at a really inconvenient time and then someone is going to the 24 hours Walgreens in the dead of night.  Things to check for might be: thermometer, gas drops, baby tylenol, etc.

Put together a few baskets of baby stuff.  We have a changing station in our bedroom, but I find myself changing little man on the couch/floor/pack-n-play quite often, instead of taking him back there every time.  Throw some diapers and what not into a few baskets and stash them in different rooms, especially those that you spend a lot of time in.

 Do something that you won't do for a while after the baby comes, like go to the movies or a small, crowded, baby-unfriendly restaurant.

Find a baby picture of you and your husband.  Throw them into the hospital bag or have them handy when you get home.  It is fun to see what features get passed along.

Check your bills and bank accounts.  I got so distracted when little man was born, that I let one of our accounts get a negative balance.  I just wasn’t thinking about it.  If there is anything you can do, like set up automatic payments or transfers, do it ahead of time.

Get a good water bottle.  If they let you drink during labor, it is nice to have your own bottle and watch how much you drink.  After the baby comes, you will have to drink a lot of fluids and breastfeeding can make you feel really thirsty.  Splurge for something fun.

Bake something.  You will have a lifetime of making birthday cakes and holiday cookies ahead of you.   Start sharpening your skills and enjoy some tasty treats.

Take a picture of your belly in a way that you can recreate it with your baby once they arrive.  Wrapping your hands around the bottom and holding it up, lay the baby’s coming home outfit on your belly, etc… then just substitute a baby for the belly for an after picture.

Take a bath.   Doctors recommend you don’t take one for a long while after the baby is born, since your body is trying to rid itself of un-useful material and don’t want to risk infection.  Make it a good long one and bring a book.

Supply and Demand: The Economics of Breastfeeding in a Modern Civilization

I am not talking about economics like dollars and cents, because in the endless battle of breast vs. bottle, people often make the case that breastfeeding is fiscally responsible, stating that it is free, but anyone who has ever tried it knows that it is not.  It means long hours, hard work, and if returning to work, a several hundred dollar pump.

I am talking about economics as in the cause and effect of production and consumption.

Starting with supply.  Everyone is jealous of everyone else.  I do not make enough milk to exclusively breastfeed my son.  On an average week day, I spend 2-3 hours a day hooked to a pump and 2-3 hours nursing my kid (sometimes doing both at the same time).  All that, and I still need to supplement with one or two formula bottles a day to get by.  My friend (and reader of this blog) has 700 ounces of frozen milk in her freezer but has fought the battle of the plugged duct nearly a dozen times.  I have another friend who visited several lactation consultants, purchased a high quality pump and supplies, sought help in support groups, had mastitis, and never was able to produce more than an ounce at a time.  So basically, low-supply mommas wish they had more.  Over-supply mommas wish they had less.  No-supply mommas wish they had some.   If there is a mom out there who had just the right amount, for the right amount of time, without any issues-please respond, so I can send you a gold medal.

The concept of supply was heavy on my mind over the recent holiday.  At 4 am the day before Christmas, I got sick.  Not from partying hard but from the cursed 24-hour-clean-you-out-I-don't-care-that-it-is-a-holiday-and-that-you-traveled-550-miles-with-a-baby-and-a-dog-to-be-here-to-celebrate-flu.  For the entire day I was sweating (but freezing), in the bathroom, or asleep.  These kind of flus do not care that another human being is depending on you in order to survive.  My husband made up bottles of formula, and I managed to nurse a few times, and we got through it.  Then nightfall came.  I passed out hard after the days festivities, and found myself 14 hours without pumping or nursing.  (The baby was fed bottles-no worries).  Swollen and sore, I hooked up the pump and watched as little more than three ounces appeared.  14 hours and three ounces!  My eyes welled up with tears, fearing that this was it.  I was all dried up.  Like the a grape in the sun.  Wrinkled, deflated, and not nearly as good.  Seriously, who likes raisins more than grapes?

I felt sick, tired, sad, and useless.  It was not a good day.  I pushed through the majority of a 2-liter of ginger ale and some orange gatorade, and kept trying to nurse my son.  He had several formula bottles and some how seemed content.  The next day things were pretty much back to normal.  I couldn't believe it.  Crazy supply laws.

Which leads to demand.  And boy-howdy is there a demand.   Sometimes as often as 12 times a day during those first few weeks.  The demand comes at all hours of the night.  The demand can be for more than is present.  The demand shows no mercy.

Demand is good, though.  It keeps up supply.  And as any high school graduate can tell you,  "as demand goes up, it will drive up the value".  Breastmilk is gold.  It is hard to understand it becoming more valuable, but as a grown woman who recently dropped a four ounce bottle of milk on the floor and cried real tears over it, I am telling you that this rule is true.  I may have been extra emotional because while rinsing out the towel I was using to clean it up, my dog licked a large amount of it from the floor.

Oh, demand.  I mentioned before that it can come at any time.  I recently found myself caving to the demand in the most unusual way.  My husband, baby, dog, and I were on our way back from said 550 mile trip last week, when our little man decided he was done with the whole car riding experience.  Our normal nine hour trek, was quickly evolving into a ten, ten and a half, eleven...hour drive.  I sat in the back seat singing, playing, and talking to little man and that worked for a while, then it was back to the crying.  He would stop as soon as we pulled over and he got out of the seat, but at this point we just had to get home.  Demanding that he either get out or get boob, I surrendered my modesty and leaned up over the car seat.  For 40 miles, there I was half dressed, unseatbelted, "hanging out" in the car seat.  It was the most I ever felt like a cow.  I did not like it.  But that is the thing about demand.  It must be met.  At ANY cost.

Going Back to Work

I have been back to work for three and a half weeks.  Below are the dominating thoughts in my head from each day.  It is honest, kind of selfish, and makes me sound pretty scatter-brained.  But a year ago today, when I found out I was pregnant and began this journey, I vowed to go all in.  To really let the experience of pregnancy and motherhood change me and teach me with as little resistance as possible.  As you can see, I am still grappling with it.

Day 1: "This is what heartsick means."

Day 2: "Look at these kids!  Somebody once held them on the day they were born and loved them like I love my Turtle Man.  How precious!  I need to love them more."

Day 3: After spilling my lunch down through my keyboard while trying to eat, pump, and catch up on (godforsaken) parent emails, and while bawling hysterically:  "I can't handle this pumping and working business!  I know it is good for him, but I am losing my mind!"

Day 4: After a sixth grader got his finger stuck in my demonstration table: "Good stars!  These 11 year-olds are needier than my 11 week-old."

Day 5: "This is the best Friday of my life."

Day 6: "Oh yeah, I like teaching."

Day 7: "I miss my little man." Each time I thought this, my chest (inside and out) would ache.

Day 8: After getting a vicious cold from the students and my son entering his three month growth spurt and waking up 3 times that night: "This is pure exhaustion."

Day 9: After a 12 hour day: "I can't wait to hold him."

Day 10: "Okay now THIS is the really the best Friday of my life."

Day 11: "I've got a case of the Monday's: I have so much to do at home, I haven't cooked in a week, there are still eight thousand emails to answer, papers to grade..."

Day 12: "I think maybe I am supposed to be a stay at home mom.  I love spending time with my son, but I like my coworkers and exercising my brain.  But I really love my son."

Day 13: "I can't believe I told my boss that I am thinking about not coming back next year."

Day 14:"How do mom's with several kids handle this?  I am barely making it and I just have one kid."

Day 15: I took one of my two personal days.

Day 16: After a fun day of teaching a lab and strewing toilet paper around the room, "Who will I be if I stop teaching and stay home?"

Day 17: "Yes, I would miss teaching and we depend on the income, but what about what my little man needs?"

Day 18: "Christmas Break: Praise. the. Lord."

In honor of my one year blogiversary, thank you to my readers, especially my sister.

Daycare

Who knew this would be the hardest part about having a baby?  Probably everybody that ever put their kid in daycare, but still, I didn't know.

I always thought I wanted to teach and be a mom.  I felt that it was important to do both.  Now I am confused.

My son was born in September.  I started looking for care in October.  I knew I should I have been looking much earlier, but I truly believed that you could enroll a child after they were born. (And I was kind of in denial about leaving him.)  I quickly learned this is not the case and had many conversations about how "we enroll in the spring for the fall semester.  You can apply in March, but there is already a waiting list."  I started to feel kind of sick over the whole thing.  I kept calling and I kept getting those same responses.  I found a few places that had an opening and I found fewer places that I could afford.  In fact, I found one place that fit our criteria.

My husband took the morning off work and we went to check it out-a commercial daycare that had flexible hours for drop off and pick-up, was in our price range, and less than ten miles from home.  (+3).  The staff members were really nice and some kids hugged me as I made my way through(+2).

The infant room was small(-1), but we were greeted by a kind teacher(+1), who picked up our little man right away and started talking to him (+1). So far, so good.  I asked all the usual questions and got the usual responses.  But I couldn't shake the sadness of leaving my son there (-1), but I think I would have felt that way anywhere I left him.

If you've been keeping score, this daycare came in at a 5.  It might not sound like much, but its a positive number.  And therefore, we paid the fees and little man was enrolled.  I was back to work 2 weeks later.

After a FOREVER (in my Squints voice) day at work, I raced up the highway to meet my kiddo.  I speed-walked through the facility and quick stopped to put on my protective shoe covers just outside of the nursery.  Then, I peaked through the door to find my son on the changing table. His eyes were locked on the face of his teacher above him.  He was talking and smiling as she changed him and she was talking and smiling back at him (+ a million).

Moral of the story?  Other people can love and care for your children, too.  And your children can love and care for them back.  And it is okay.

TENder Baby Moments

This baby has brought so much tenderness into our lives in the short nine weeks he has been here.  It is not like we were living some hardcore, non-tender life before, but our hearts are certainly a little softer these days.  Here is why:

The other day while watching TV, I looked over at my husband.  He had the baby stretched out on his chest.  Instead of watching the show, my husband was leaned forward, breathing in his baby boy.

My sister has a little one who is set to arrive in February.  Two weeks ago, when she held my son, her baby started moving and reacting to his cousin!

Whenever we go to visit my parents, my dad always comes to the car before we even get it in park, gets the car seat, and starts talking to little man.

Lately, I have discovered that sometimes my baby cries out of fear.  The other day, I put him in the tub while the water was still running and he started to cry this really heart breaking cry.  I figured out what was scaring him and turned off the water.  He looked at me like I was a hero.

He has figured out how to hold on.  How can I ever let him sleep in his crib, when he is hanging on to hair/shirt while he is sleeping?

I think he likes music.  I have played the guitar for him and he smiles the whole time.  A few nights ago my husband was playing a new song he learned on guitar, while baby and I swayed to the music=happy family.  The song?  See below.

Watching him learn things is incredible.  Just yesterday he found his thumb.  He always tries to get his hands in his mouth, but suddenly, he was getting the thumb separate from the rest of the fingers and into his mouth on the first or second try.  Regardless of the fact that I keep pulling said thumb out of his mouth, I am still amazed that he was able to teach himself to do that.

Our dog, who looks like a terrifying creature-with his lab, pit, catahoula bloodline, always comes up to the baby when he is really crying.  He wants to lick him and try to fix it.

The baby has learned to talk.  He coos a lot in the morning (telling me his dreams) and gets the art of conversation. It brings me such joy!

We went to visit family and friends in Michigan two weeks ago.  Little man was pleasant with the masses of people, but few things feel better than when your child can pick your face out of a crowd.  He would smile at me, even with so many other friendly faces in his line of vision.

It is all so sweet.