40 Weeks...And Five Days

OVERDUE.  Perhaps this is karma getting back at me for a terrible library checkout record.  For someone who would like to pursue a masters in library science and who's mother worked in a library, my library permanent record is marred with multiple lost items, late fees, and cds returned without the paper inserts.  I am not this reckless in any other area of my life, I don't know what my problem is.

I feel like I am going to burst.  Physically and mentally.  Getting to 40 weeks was the goal all throughout pregnancy, but about 3 weeks ago the idea of actually having this kid got planted in my head.  People started asking questions at work, telling me stories about their early deliveries.  I started to dilate at 38 weeks, stopped gaining weight, and started into the random contractions.  I started to think this could happen anytime.  However, here I sit, at 40 weeks...plus a little extra.

And currently, I sit in a chair of depression.  It is very strange.  I did not anticipate feeling this way, but this last week has left me feeling very isolated and sad.  If you are pregnant, nursing, or may become pregnant, perhaps you have or will encounter the same thing:

"Did YOU have that baby yet?"
"Are YOU having any labor signs?"
"When are YOU going to have that thing?"
"Oh YOU need to: walk/have sex/eat Mexican/drink raspberry leaf tea/drink Castor oil/climb stairs/ jump up and down 357 times while singing Abba songs and wearing flip flops."

I love every person who said the above things to me, but there is a common element among them.  I know that it is bologna, but it makes me feel that I am doing something to keep this baby from coming. That some how I am in control of it and doing a bad job.

To add: I haven't worked in a week.  I normally work at least 50 hours a week away from home, plus another 5-10 at home.  It consumes my brain and was very helpful when trying to keep myself from constantly thinking about the baby's arrival.

+ I had great relief when the baby "dropped".  He/she got out of my lungs and off my stomach so that I could breathe and eat a little more.  However, this child is still growing and while they are definitely low riding at this point, their feet have extended back into my lungs and stomach bringing back the heartburn and side-cramp-feel-like-I-just-ran-a-mile feeling.

+ I always feel like I have to poop.  This is another thing that I never heard about, and maybe it only happens to me, but with this child's noggin pushing on my colon, I constantly feel like I got to go.

+I have all the signs of labor everyday, minus the water breaking.  Contractions, cramping, loss of appetite, diarrhea, pressure in the lower abdomen, and yet, nothing ever comes of it.

I know that has been a total gripe fest, but I am struggling.  I have felt pretty good throughout, but this has hit me hard.  There are more variables involved: my husbands 50+ hours a week work schedule that results in a lot of alone time*, the dadgum hurricane humidity that makes me feel like I can't breathe outside, and the fact that this kid is so low, and that I can't wear my maternity shorts (the seam where the elastic stops is higher than were the head is).  I just didn't see this coming and I feel bummed.

Even with all these things going on in my head and body, my doctor and I are in agreement that unless the baby or I am in distress, we are going to wait this out.  The added risks that come with induction, like increased length of labor and higher chance for C-section, convince me that I will wait for this to happen in its own time.  Until then, I will try to cheer up, but if you could send some good feelings my way, I would appreciate it.




*My husband works a lot and that is not a negative thing.  I love him like crazy and everything he does is help us out as a family.  He is putting a lot of time now so that he can take 2 weeks off when the baby comes.  I am grateful for his hard work, just sad to be without him so much of the time.*