Some how this sweet child has survived a year with his dad and I as his caretakers. Don't get me wrong, we try..."wicked hard", but it still seems crazy that we actually pulled it off. As I sit down for a brief minute before the family comes rolling in to celebrate, interrupted only by poopy diapers and phone calls from the pediatric ENT, I feel reflective and sentimental.
In the first year of baby life, we have both learned so much. If I could tell a new mom a few things that I have discovered as I recieve my "One Year" pin, it would be:
1. You will never be "old you" and that may be frustrating and lonely for a while. I was convinced that I would be rested and clean by this point in little man's childhood, but alas, I am not. I thought that soft belly skin would dissipate. I thought my marriage would be just as easy as before. I was wrong on all counts, but I am learning that this is actually a much better me, mostly because it isn't so much "me" anymore as it is spouse/parent/grown-up. I have more richness in my life as cliche as it sounds, I really do love more than I did before.
2. Don't use the baby to belittle your partner. Using some squeaky version of your own voice to comment on the elasticity of the mashed potatoes, does not make it hurt any less. And a baby doesn't give a shit about the viscosity of his root vegetables, they would never say that. This has happened to me and been done by me, but no more. I will not use my child to hurt my spouse.
3. You are going to do a good job. Things are going to worry you and keep you up at night that don't bother your babe a bit. My son's daycare started feeding him "kitchen food" this week. He had: chili, chicken nuggets, and fish sticks this week. I have only cried about it a half dozen times, but he is no worse for the wear and his guts are hard at work learning to process the processed garbage that he will be demanding in a few years. Your insistence on bringing the hormone free milk to his daycare everyday, or your choice to have him roll with the mainstream and not interfere are both equally valid, you will do what you think is right and in that way you will be right.
4. Babies get sick. My child has never gone for a "well visit" and not had some health issue: ringworm, eye infections, ear infections, C Diff, etc. He has been on gobs of antibiotics and other meds, but it is okay. Even though I am a nut about natural living and don't take medicine myself (if I can help it), babies get sick, but they are fierce little creatures and they will get through it. Even though the baby is coughing, try to sleep. It will help you both. Also, co-sleeping does wonders when your nerves are shot. It is my go-to remedy to get both of us through sickness.
5. Don't judge people who are childless. A good friend told me that he and his wife don't want kids, they like to travel and pick up and go without planning/packing/etc. My first reaction was (embarrassingly) a judgmental reaction of "wow, how selfish?". Then my mind punched itself. While this first year of motherhood has consumed my brain and I have felt my own growth as a person, it is so unfair to judge those who don't want to venture down this road. People still grow and learn and get more incredible without kids. And just because they sleep better at night, doesn't make them less accomplished, valuable, or generous. So train your brain, that while you have made the choice to procreate, "it takes all kind a' people to make the world go round" (as my Nee-Nee would say).
6. Just keep going, one day at a time and before you know it, that sweet bundle of joy will be one.
Love,
J
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