Sertaline

In my last post I admitted that I am struggling with my mental state.  I wish that "admitted" wasn't the word to use, but it is what describes the feeling of telling others that you have brain issues-like a secret you have to admit with caution.   I do admit it, however, in hopes of opening up the dialogue about mental health.  It should not be something so secretive that people feel nervous writing it down in a quasi anonymous blog. (getting off soap box)

All that said, I wrote that I would be addressing this problem.  Not sure how to begin,  I called my OB doctor- since this is most likely baby related.  His nurse called back and said go to my regular doctor and could offer me no help or advice.

Step One: Call doc
I called up my general care physician who said he could get me in a few days later.  You should know, I am not a big fan of this doctor. He is someone I found on a list of who accepts my insurance within 3 miles of my house and I just put up with his lack of personality and sub-par wait times out of convenience.  After making the appointment, I began to feel extra anxious from that point on.

Step Two: Go to Appointment
I went into the appointment with a pretty good idea of what was going on, thanks to my internet self-diagnosis.  I told him all the things I had been feeling and he agreed that I had anxiety. He took some notes, pointed out that I had ringworm on arm (thanks, kiddo), and wrote me a script.  I drove to Walgreens and picked up my generic Zoloft medicine.  five dollars.

Step Three: Drugs
I got home and took the first dose before going to bed as it makes a lot of people tired.  I woke up in the morning feeling the same, no immediate side effects, so that was good.  I guess.  I kept taking the meds in the evening and monitored my feelings.  On day three, we went to the home depot to get some house fixer-upper supplies.  As we walked through the store, my husband excitedly looking at light fixtures, I thought, "what is it all for?"  And that was the beginning.  During that first week on the Sertaline, I felt those creepy, over-sad-Eeyore, we are all a pile of nothing- thoughts.  It seemed like my anxiety was ok, my body was ok, but my brain was a deep, dark, hole.  Oh, and, uh, martial relations...nope.  Not on these pills.

Step Four: Make executive decision 
 I felt too disconnected to the world to keep on with the medicine any longer.  I called the doc, told him how I felt, and he immediately called in something else.  Not encouraging.